You Don't Have To Have A Personality If Your Glass Has One For You
Dr. Glenn Wilson recently analyzed the body language of 500 drinkers to come up with 8 distinct glass-holding personality types, stating that the way one holds one’s glass represents “the person you are.” Oh really?
“The simple act of holding a drink displays a lot more about us than we realise – or might want to divulge, Wilson says, “When you’re in a crowded bar, often all you have to go on is body language. To a large extent, it’s an unconscious thing and just reflects the person you are and the type of social relationships you have.” In other words: look! It’s just one more thing you have to worry about when you’re out drinking. Not only are people silently judging you on your clothes, your hair, your choice of drink, and your conversational skills, they’re judging you on the way you hold your bloody glass as well. Oh joy! Oh bliss!
Wilson divides his glass-holders into eight distinct personality types: The Flirt, The Playboy, The Ice Queen, The Wallflower, The Fun Lover, Jack-the-Lad (douchebag frat guy) and The Browbeater. And yes, each “type” is just as annoying and stereotypical as it sounds.
The Flirt, Wilson argues, will “may position it over her cleavage so as to draw attention to her attributes,” while the ice-queen “drinks from a wine glass, or a short glass, which is held firmly in a barrier position across the body so as to deter intimate approaches. It is usually a waste of time approaching this woman; she may be ready with a castrating put-down.” Or maybe she just doesn’t want to talk to YOU in particular? Ever think of that, Glass-Man?
Men have their own equally as annoying glass-holding stereotypes to fit into: the Playboy “uses his, usually long, glass or bottle as a phallic prop, playing with it suggestively,” while the Browbeater, “usually male, he prefers large glasses, or bottles, which he uses as symbolic weapons, firmly grasped, and gesticulating in a threatening, ‘in the face’ kind of way.” So essentially for men, I guess, bottles are penises that hold liquor.
All of Wilson’s glass-holding types come across as fairly unpleasant people, and one wonders how legit this study is, considering that people may just take on a different stance due to certain environmental factors and influences. Someone may be in “Flirt” mode one second and “Ice Queen” mode the next, depending on who is making the advances. Someone may come across as a Wallflower while holding their first drink but a Playboy by the time they get their hands on their fourth or fifth.
Wilson seems to have missed out on a few glass personality types as well. What of the Scorpion Bowl sharer? Or the person who insists upon drinking out of the tiny stirring straw? Or the Shot Drinker? Or the Weekend Blogger, who holds her straw with her chin whilst balancing a glass of chocolate milk on her chest and typing at the same time?
What say you commenters? Is this glass-holding nonsense legit? Or just another unnecessary thing to worry about?