You Better Watch Out: Santa Claus Might Already Be In Your Town

When I was kid, my parents would always tell me in the days leading up to Christmas that Santa Claus was already circling the globe. Now that I'm an adult with internet access, I can confirm that this is true.

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You may not know this, but Santa Claus is quite the procrastinator. Sometimes, he waits until four or five days before Christmas to gather up naughty and nice information. It takes him from the highest mountains to the bottom of the sea, but eventually he gets it done. However, there are several stops along the way.


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First, he checks the trains to ensure that they'll deliver all the toys on time. The Polar Express doesn't just run on magic and delicious hot chocolate, you know!


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Next, he has to pick up the dry cleaning, as he can't been seen on Christmas Eve in anything but his best suit, freshly pressed.


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Of course, he also needs to fuel up. It's a recession, man. Even Santa can't pass up a 5 dollar footlong sandwich.


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And I suppose we can't blame the man for wanting to check out a few toys for himself, for a change.


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Santa is also incredibly popular in the sea, and visits the sea animals a few days before Christmas to deliver their gifts.


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The fish are pretty excited, as you can see.


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He even gives gifts to the sharks!


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And Baby Beluga has clearly made the "nice" list this year.


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Penguins are also big Santa fans.


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Most likely because he protests against global warming.


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In the end, however, he's all about business.


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After all, there's work to do!

[All Images Via Getty.]

DISCUSSION

By
Never_Nude

I have unapologetic love for David Sedaris. In one of his essays, he describes his quest to learn of Christmas traditions all over the world. Usually from cab drivers in his country of destination. My favorite is the Dutch tradition of St. Nick's helper, Black Pete. Actually, he has 6-10 black helpers meant to wrestle bad children into Santa's sack. I believe said children are either beaten or sold into slavery. Maybe both; my memory is going. Santa is the former Archbishop of Turkey and spends the off season resting in Spain. Great job if you can get it!