You asked; we're answering! After you told us last week you missed "Mystery," we picked up a copy of The Game, the book upon which The Pick-Up Artist is based. HOW DID WE NOT DO THIS SOONER?? The Game is not only redolent of tantalizing biographical details re Mystery — the first girl he picks up in the book is the girlfriend of Scott Baio! and Scott Baio is kinda hilariously good-natured about it! also, daddy issues! — it has some great tips for picking up women for when we give up and become lesbians already. For instance, "condiment anchoring," a tactic used by Mystery rival Ross Jeffries in which a ketchup packet or whathaveyou is employed to seal a guy's face in a target's memory. Click on the tag for the excerpt.

"Well your other customers are probably getting angry. But before you go, I'll tell you what. Why don't we take all those good feelings you're having right now" — raising his hands again — "and put them into this pack of sugar" — he picked up a sugar pack and rubbed his raised hand on it — "so that you can carry them around all day." He handed her the sugar pack. She put it in her apron and walked away, still beet red.

"That," Twotimer hissed, "is condiment anchoring. After he's gone, the sugar pack will remind her of the positive emotions she felt with him."