Yoga, And Other Things We Don't Want To Do Naked

A new trend apparently sweeping New York, LA, and, oddly, Salt Lake City, nude yoga is supposedly non-sexual. But that doesn’t mean it’s not gross.

According to the AP, nude yoga is becoming “a mini-phenomenon in the gay community,” with some straight men and women practicing too. And although nude yoga classes often involve partner exercises like one person assuming child pose while the other “drapes himself” across his back, practitioners swear it’s not about sex. Instead, says teacher John Cottrell, “This is about yoga and appreciating your body.” And, says New York-based nude yoga teacher Jeffrey Duval, “You’re shedding away your clothes, but you’re also shedding away insecurities and fear. I can’t think of a more perfect way to practice.” Have these people never heard of bad naked?

Here I should confess to being something of a yoga prude. I don’t even really like partner work — pressing on a stranger’s inner thigh just seems a little invasive. So there’s no way I’d be able to drape my naked body over said stranger’s back. Nor do I want to be sticking my naked butt in others’ faces while doing dog pose. Of course, it’s possible that said butt-sticking would ultimately make me more comfortable with my body, but first I’d have to do it. Which is not a price I’m willing to pay. However, nude yoga did make me wonder what other quotidian, semi-public activities could be performed naked. Some possibilities:

— nude therapy. A very direct way to address body image issues.

— nude tax preparation. I’m reaching for a pun about “losing your shirt” here. Would also be good if you wanted to write off plastic surgery expenses.

— nude post office. Everyone is still pissed off, tired, and late for an appointment. But they’re nude!

— nude subway. That one guy who always exposes himself isn’t so special anymore.