National Coffee Day is one of the better fake food and drink holidays because businesses tend to celebrate by giving a free cup of it (usually hot, and usually the smallest size) to java-loving customers around the country. But after finishing that serving of hot, life-giving nectar, how do you spend this blessed day celebrating the drink that gets your motor running every morning (and, if you’re a real javahead, every afternoon)?
The answer, of course, is buying yourself a piece of java merch! In addition to my love of java, I have a love of the love of java. Mugs and towels and pieces of distressed wood covered in javaisms are my kryptonite, and that makes Etsy planet Krypton.
Search for things like “coffee sayings” or “java stuff” and you will be treated to a cornucopia of coffee merch—everything from mugs to shirts to bumper stickers, all covered in sayings you’ve either heard before (i.e. “No coffee, no workee.”), or strange, robotically constructed sentences about one’s unparalleled javadoration (i.e. “Coffee is not a beverage. It is a moment of pleasure.”)
After looking through page after page of javaisms, I compiled a list of the best 37. (I could have done more, but again, I went weak.) Below is their official ranking. Enjoy! Or should I say...enjava!*
*I should not say enjava.