Yahoo blew its load Monday morning, releasing the new Taylor Swift video for "Blank Space" before it was ready. They pulled the video, but it's still making its way around the internet (Update: it is now live and embedded below), and is (like the song) a fuck you to all those people who think Taylor is (in her words) "a serial dater, jet setting around with all her boyfriends, she can get 'em but she can't keep 'em because she's too emotional and she's needy."
In that same interview about "Blank Space," Taylor said that the song started off as joke about the way people view the trajectory of her relationships: "Then she gets her heart broken because they leave and she's jilted so she goes to her evil liar and writes songs about it for revenge." She's really committed to this theme, even casting a Kennedy-lookalike as her victim.
The mood is set quickly: Hello cat! You are even more famous than you were before and just as chill.
"Taylor Swift," meanwhile, is so rich she has turned her ballroom into a bedroom, complete with white horses.
"Taylor" and her Kennedy are pretty happy together (AT FIRST) – so happy that they find the time to bike around her mansion, narrowly dodging the furniture.
They also old school dance.
And Taylor paints a portrait of her Kennedy.
And they walk their dogs.
And the Kennedy is like, "Hello, this is my constant facial expression: Whaaaaa?"
"Taylor" is very proud of her portrait of her Kennedy.
She will carve their names on a tree to prove it.
But love does not always end so happily...
[Sidenote: this looks a lot like the house in Cruel Intentions, which is a dark foreshadowing for the end of this video if I've ever seen one.]
On my Christmas list: that fake deer.
"Taylor" is now unhappy and jealous. She begins to sabotage the Kennedy's life, though this particular strategy doesn't seem great; as we learned from Regina George, holes in your shirt where your nipples are = very cool.
Burning clothes and throwing them out the window.
Cutting to the chase and Snow White-ing the whole affair.
Pulling a Carrie Underwood.
And when all else fails, just stand on a horse and kill your man with your waspiness.
Eventually, the Kennedy can't take it anymore and he runs away. Only to be replaced by a Kennedy II who has NO IDEA what he's getting himself into.
Watch out for "Taylor." She's not someone to fuck with.
Images via Big Machine Records