Gunman Attacks D.C. Pizzeria, Wanted to Investigate Election Conspiracy

Photo Credit: Getty Images
Photo Credit: Getty Images

On Sunday, a 28-year-old man from Salisbury, North Carolina, fired shots inside a pizzeria in northwest Washington, D.C. Armed with an assault rifle, he later told police he wanted to “self-investigate” a fraudulent election conspiracy theory connected to Hillary Clinton.


According to the Washington Post, Edgar Maddison Welch walked into Comet Ping Pong, a favorite among locals, and aimed at an employee. After the employee dashed off to call the police, Welch began shooting. Reports indicate, however, that all patrons were able to flee and no one was injured.

The incident, while terrifying, was brief. Police arrived on the scene minutes after receiving the call, and Welch was arrested in less than an hour. Upon investigation, officers located two firearms inside the restaurant and one in Welch’s car.

During the election cycle, Comet Ping Pong found itself ensconced in one of the conspiracy theories that ran rampant over the course of the presidential campaign. The owner, its employees, and surrounding businesses have been harassed by social media attacks and even death threats as a result.

The conspiracy, referred to as “pizzagate,” is this: Comet Ping Pong was accused via a slew of fake news articles of running a child sex ring on behalf of presidential nominee Hillary Clinton. The pizzeria and nearby businesses received dozens of sinister phone calls, one involving the threat of being subjected to a firing squad. Children of both Comet Ping Pong employees and patrons were also threatened by various fake news stories circulating online. Ultimately, the owner of the restaurant contacted the FBI, D.C. police, Facebook, and other social media venues in an attempt to scrub the internet of these dangerous, fallacious stories.

According to reports, Welch wandered into the Comet Ping Pong kitchen “presumably looking for the alleged tunnels” where children would have been tortured and concealed. Bradley Graham, co-owner of nearby bookstore Politics and Prose, tells the Post that a Comet Ping Pong employee has likely supplied the information regarding Welch’s movements inside the restaurant. The bookstore, a D.C. landmark, has also received threats, most chillingly by phone.

Graham’s hope is that “law enforcement authorities will be prompted to take additional measures to shut down the sites where this hateful material is being spread, and also measures to try and trace the menacing phone calls.”


“We’re all rather shaken,” he added.


The Noble Renard

Yeah, I’ve eaten at Comet Ping Pong many times and had intended to go eat there again to support it. I don’t think I can anymore, and I kind of think this is going to be it for the restaurant. It’ll go out of business pretty soon because of this.

So congratulations, Internet nutjob shitheads. You’ve managed to shut down one of the better pizza places in DC and terrifying tons of people. You internet sleuths are not Sherlock Holmes. You’re not even Encyclopedia Brown. You’re playing with crayons and imagining you’re Michelangelo.

Fuck Julian Assange who started this. And fuck General Michael Flynn who’s gullible enough to retweet this shit. And fuck Flynn’s son who’s already tweeting about how this was a false flag. Fuck Alex Jones, fuck r/pizzagate, r/The_Donald, r/conspiracy, and every liberal right now who’s saying that we just have to be nicer to these credulous schmucks. In conclusion, go fuck yourself, Internet.