Yeah, Fuck All Of You. (Unrelated: Has Mark Cuban Gotten Cute?)

Illustration for article titled Yeah, Fuck All Of You. (Unrelated: Has Mark Cuban Gotten Cute?)

So maybe you've heard of this Marion Barry-Tim Page scandal: Marion Barry being that perennial DC mayor who got framed by the FBI and his old girlfriend into smoking crack on the surveillance tape that turned the highly eloquent utterance "Bitch Set Me Up" into a memorable catchphrase back before I even knew I was allowed — unlike John McCain! — to say "bitch," and Tim Page, a Pulitzer prizewinning music critic who was the unwilling recipient of a press release about him.


Must we hear about it every time this crack addict attempts to rehabilitate himself with some new - and typically half-witted - political grandstanding?

he replied in an (obviously drunk) email to the sender.

I'd be grateful if you would take me off your mailing list. I cannot think of anything the useless Marion Barry could do that would interest me in the slightest, up to and including overdose.


Now naturally, Tim has since apologized and said he didn't really mean any of that, but hasn't he left us with the bones for a handy form letter for expressing our sentiments re: a few of society's more salient tools? We can't really send it posthumously to Anna Nicole Smith, but what about Britney, and Bill O'Reilly? What about Paris and her made-up drunken elephants?

What about every single person involved in the latest scandal to rock the Giuliani campaign wherein uberagent Judith Regan sues her former employer Rupert Murdoch — whom you'll remember fired her in the wake of her masterminding that book by O.J. Simpson about how he would have masterminded the murder of his wife if the "real killer" hadn't gotten there first — claiming he told her to lie about her gangsta lover Bernie Kerik, to protect Rudy's reputation? (Because, you know, she's about the only woman who wouldn't believably lie about Bernie Kerik to protect her ownreputation.) What about Ann Coulter, and all the academics responsible for "studies" of really mundane shit I'd rather not waste my consciousness thinking any more about? And most importantly, what about me...My god you guys, I am so fucking sick of myself. I can barely summon the energy to pick up the remote and switch the channel to...the only thing more appropriate would be a "Head-On" commercial...

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perennial DC mayor

We've had several others since the various phases of his tenure ended, thank you. But I agree that Barry's continued ability to hold public office is the eighth wonder of the world. His cynical manipulation of the poorest of the poor Washingtonians (that he claims to champion) is disgusting. And those people's continued willingness to let him do it, much less encourage it, is mindboggling.

Favorite Barry story: his folks distributed a "Life and Times of Marion Barry" lesson plan to the DC Public Schools-the poor ones, of course. The plan lauded Barry's accomplishments and abilities. "The Bitch set me Up" and other downfalls received short shrift: one sentence saying that Barry "had struggled to overcome difficult times in his personal life."

Tim Page is my new hero.