With so many states rushing to pass terrifyingly backwards anti-woman legislation, it feels a little bit like the apocalypse is right around the corner. Oh, and then there's the whole Mayan calendar mess too. So perhaps it's not the worst idea to begin preparations for a worldwide meltdown. Luckily for residents of Wyoming, their state representatives have just voted in favor of legislation that would put together a task force to advice Wyoming on what to do "in the event of a complete economic or political collapse in the United States." Fun.
Maybe I've just watched way too many episodes of Doomsday Preppers—which, by the way, is amazing and dark; they're like hoarders but with a real purpose. But this actually seems like kind of a smart plan. After all, as tiny sex-addicted Planned Parenthood minions the Girl Scouts always say, "Be prepared."
The bill would put together a state-run task force to study and prepare for a variety of catastrophic events, from disruptions in food supplies to a "complete meltdown of the federal government." Hahaha, yeah, like that could ever happen with our amazing Congress in charge…
One of the issues the task force would examine is establishing an alternative, state-issued currency. Please, oh please, Wyoming, if you start an alternate currency, you have to call it Wyo-money!
Other issues they'd address include raising an army and acquiring a "strike aircraft and an aircraft carrier." Umm, it might be difficult to acquire an aircraft carrier since you don't have any access to the ocean, but hopefully the task force can crack the problem too. Some $32,000 was to be set aside for the task force, but that amount was cut in half while the bill was in committee. Sounds like a bargain for establishing your state as the go-to destination for refugees during the apocalypse.
All joking aside, on some level this does make total sense (kind of scary that we've gotten to the point where the end of the world seems right around the corner!), but on another level, how useful is this really going to be? After all, if the whole world is freaking the fuck out and the shit has hit the fan and splattered all over the country, isn't it more likely that people will just hole up in their suburban ranch houses and shoot whoever approaches, rather than calmly switching over to doing business in Wyo-money? Will people even be respecting state boundaries anymore or will we begin operating in landless nomadic tribes that roam the plains trying to avoid the zombie hordes?
Well, the bill's sponsor, Republican state Rep. David Miller, says he doesn't think crisis is imminent, but he's concerned with "the national debt exceeding $15 trillion and protest movements growing around the country." Ah, yes, those Occupy Wall Street folks could suddenly rise up and invade Wyoming, it's true. Miller, in fact, thinks Wyoming is at special risk because it has a comparatively solid economy, so we might all try to raid it if things go south. Miller's colleague, Republican Lorrain Quarberg, agrees,
I don't think there's anyone in this room today what would come up here and say that this country is in good shape, that the world is stable and in good shape — because that is clearly not the case. To put your head in the sand and think that nothing bad's going to happen, and that we have no obligation to the citizens of the state of Wyoming to at least have the discussion, is not healthy.
Actually, there are probably any number of people who would go in that room and say this country is in a lot better shape than many others around the world, but better to be safe than sorry, etc. Though perhaps it will come as some comfort to you that University of Wyoming political science professor Jim King put the chances of a total collapse of the government at "astronomically remote." Some of us might say that depends on who, exactly, gets elected this time around.
In any case, even if you believe in preparing for the worst and hoping for the best, there are reasons this task force might be a bit of paranoid overkill. For one thing, Wyoming's Department of Homeland Security already has a statewide crisis management plan. Though it has not outlined what would happen should there be a political or economic catastrophe. Plus, six other states have had legislation introduced to create a state currency, and all of them failed. So even if the task force had some useful recommendations, it might still be impossible to enact them.
For the moment, it's not even clear if the bill will finish passing the House. It's still got two more votes to go before it could head to the Senate to be considered. But maybe it's time we're all inspired by Wyoming's
paranoid proactive approach to saving themselves. Let's all watch a few episodes of Doomsday Preppers and throw in a few hours of The Walking Dead too. Then let's see if we're not being down the doors of our state government demanding the same kind of task force to ensure that even if the end is near, we'll still be able to shop using valuable Texa$-cents or Delaware Dollars.
Wyoming House advances doomsday bill [Casper Star-Tribune]
Image via Dirk Ercken/Shutterstock.