Recently, we received an email from the home office, saying that there were copies of the new book by Lori Uscher-Pines called The Get-Your-Man-to-Marry-You Plan: Buying the Cow in the Age of Free Milk available, if we wanted one. (I replied: "Sorry, I am too busy working on MY book, Who Is Buying So Much Bull In The Age Of Tainted Beef.") But Uscher-Pines is in the New York Post today, with the Top 5 Dos & Don'ts To Get Him To The Altar.The "Don'ts": Don't become your boyfriend's therapist; don't get friends to lobby on your behalf; don't withhold sex to teach him a lesson; don't go public with your desire to get hitched; and don't have an emotional breakdown at a wedding. The "Dos": Talk about expectations (duh?); spend time with happily married couples; remove the "barrier" keeping him from proposing (like if he says he can't afford the ring, tell him you don't need one); create some dependency; and, of course, issue an ultimatum. No, really. Uscher-Pines says: "An ultimatum isn't manipulative if you think about it." Um: Bullshit. The whole fucking thing is manipulative. This part:

"Get him to depend on you a little bit," she says, "and then show him what life is like without this benefit." Cook him a gourmet meal every night and then stop. Pay bills and then stop. Get his car inspected and then stop.

is so insane! Does this make you someone a guy wants to marry? Or an inconsistent bitch? And as for "initiating a major life change," like saying that you want to go to grad school or move to a new city — sure, it's supposed to jolt the guy into realizing how much he cares about you and make him suddenly want to pop the question. But what kind of person are you if you make up some life-changing event you have no intention of following through with, just to get married? (Uscher-Pines claims: "It's just saying, 'This is what I'm going to do. So what are you going to do about it?'") And here's the ultimate manipulation: Selling women a book that promises to "get" men to marry them. Why can't the woman ask the man to marry her (and ditch him if he doesn't want to tie the knot)? How come one of the things on the "Do" list isn't "realize that having a ring on your finger isn't necessarily something you should be wasting energy on or swindling someone into" ? Make Your Moove [NY Post]