Kacey Jordan, the nice lady porn star who partied with Charlie Sheen before his hernia got the best of him, received a check for $30,000 from the actor (and he really is still in an actor, isn't he?).
- Jordan will likely have some more checks to cash in the coming days; she's farming herself out for the media, naturally, and will be giving an interview to E!. You may safely assume there will be soft lighting. [E!]
- Also, Sheen says he's FINE, OKAY? "People don't seem to get it," he texted a Radar editor. "Guy can't have a great time and do his job also?" SO EVERYONE JUST BACK OFF RAWR COKE RAGE. [Radar]
- He's so fine, in fact, that he's checked into rehab. Rehab: Where Fine People Go To Get More Fine. [CNN]
- Lindsay Lohan, meanwhile, is "worried" about Sheen. The tables, how they turn. [TMZ]
- But don't worry about Sheen's nanny. She's the same as ever, grimly toting around his kids. [TMZ]
Okay, enough of that story. Take a quick shower if you need to, then we'll get back to "business."
- Jesse James's ex-wife Janine Lindemulder has been arrested near Austin, Texas, where apparently she was spending her time harassing Jesse over custody of their daughter, Sunny. [Radar]
- Chris Brown would like to have Rihanna's restraining order against him removed because, as his lawyer says, "it makes it difficult at awards shows and such." Oh won't somebody think of the awards shows?! [Radar]
- Speaking of RiRi, these supposed "near-naked" "sexting" pics she's taken are really no different than what we see onstage or in her videos. That is to say, we already know what her cleavage and pantyline look like. And that is to say, the woman looks good. [Media Takeout]
- What happened in Vegas: Bruno Mars has cut a deal with Las Vegas prosecutors; he'll plead guilty to felony cocaine possession. He'll also be fined a stunning $2,000 with a year of informal probation, and he'll have to perform 200 hours of community service. Aw, shucks.
- What didn't happen in Vegas: Glee kids Naya Rivera and Chord Overstreet are just friends, and there was no making of the love in Las Vegas last weekend. They probably didn't even make prolonged eye contact. [Awful Truth]
- But what did happen in Burbank: Bieber and Gomez went to a movie, where they were adorably stalked by cameras. What are we calling these two, btw? Biebez? Gomber? Justena? I can't keep up; let's just call them "the children." [E!]
- Jimmy Buffet fell during a show, but he's going to be okay. The Margaritaville in the Cancun airport will continue to serve — and delight! — during its normal operating hours. [Daily Express]
- "Kim Cattrall's Dieting Struggles." [HuffPo]
- You guys. Keep your voices down. This is serious. Diddy is the 9/11 mastermind. [Sun]