A Glamour poll about the most "totes hot" guys on late night TV sent Stephen into a Ben & Jerry's-fueled shame spiral yesterday evening.

Following Conan O'Brien's on-set accident on Friday (in which he sustained a concussion) Stephen made fun of his fellow comedian for hitting his head, suggesting that it was because of a recent Glamour Magazine poll called "Do, Dump, or Marry?" (the milquetoast Glamour version of the classic marry/fuck/kill), in which Jimmy Fallon was the "do," Conan was the "dump," and Stephen was the "marry." First, Stephen was giddy over his Conan victory, until he realized Glamour readers were planning to cheat on him with "do" Jimmy Fallon ("you whores!"), and he had to cry, take "some antidepressant" (Ben & Jerry's), and declare himself to be fat. It was pretty hilarious, though one wonders who on Colbert's staff actually reads Glamour. (Oh, and also? Stephen is totally the "do" of those three. Duh!)