Women featured in stock photos have busy, complicated lives. They're laughing alone with all kinds of salads, both with and without croutons. They're diversely inept at riding bikes. They fly into unpredictable hysterics in the presence of a scale. But there's one thing that most stock photo women agree on: birth control. In that they're incredibly suspicious of it.

And who can blame them? Stock problems faced by stock women are serious and vast: crying at an empty kitchen table, fights that result in a couple sitting back to back with their arms crossed on a couch, breaking a heel on the way to a big presentation (involving a red arrow going up, up, up!), and blowing their bangs upward in frustration while trying to fold a big pile of laundry, and screaming in the middle of a room while children run around because being a stock mom is hard.

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In short, stock women have a right to be suspicious.

The following images were all among a popular stock photo service's "most relevant" results in a search for "birth control." As the results became less "relevant," the number of happy or calm-looking stock women with birth control increased. Probably because birth control, in Stock Land, is on par with piles of baking powder arranged in lines to look like cocaine and a gathering of empty shot glasses before a person clutching car keys.

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Should I take this?

Expression also used for: dildos the size of 2-liter soda bottles.

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This Katie's cozy sweater life is about to descend into the dark hallucinogenic chaos of pharmaceutically induced temporary infertility.

How am I going to swallow that T thing?

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Sophie's choice.

Giggle giggle what do I do with it?

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Hello, you've reached the Birth Control Trepidation Hotline. Our normal business hours are....

Should I take these birth control pills or use this weird square condom with my new boyfriend, Lego Dick?

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Popped a Yaz, I'm sweatin'.

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Intrauterine Device, you rascal.

Snotty Teen Melts Nuvaring With Withering Gaze

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First one's on the house, sweetcheeks, but the next taste is gonna cost ya.

Sometimes before I take birth control, I like to sensually rub the blisterpack against my lips just to get my ovaries twitching with readiness.

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Oy!

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French tips won't be the last bad decision this woman makes today.

Images via Shutterstock