Women Choose Dudes Who Look Exactly Like Them

Illustration for article titled Women Choose Dudes Who Look Exactly Like Them

In two unrelated developments today, scientists have found that women not only eschew men with "macho" features, they gravitate towards men with similar allotments of body fat, which we believe is a clunky and excessively-scholarly way of arriving at the observation that women these days date men who look exactly like them. We believe this is borne out in pretty much every working couple we know, from the blog world to the celebreal world to the dudes we have fucked that we would consider fucking again versus the dudes we fucked who were entirely too skinny and pretty for us and only made it worse by repeating over and over again, "You're so pretty! You have such a nice body!" (Yeah, fuck all of you.) "It's because we're all so narcissistic, and so confused about what it means to have self-esteem," pointed out a thin, blue-eyed brunette BFF of ours who likes to date thin, blue-eyed brunette dudes. (Side note: can you call a dude brunette? Or is it just "brun," maybe with an umlaut? Anyhow.)


In a similar vein, a certain blogger who briefly dated a certain other blogger who looks exactly the same as her (blond, firm, tattooed) offered that maybe dating dudes who look like you is a way of manifesting one's love for oneself — and on the flipside, preventing those inevitable pangs of self-hate. "There is nothing more disturbing than fucking a guy who has a nicer ass than you do," she pointed out. Which brings us to a second truth: It's not so much what you actually look like, but what you think you look like. Personally, we always go a few shades chubbier than ourselves, probably on account of the body dysmorphic disorder, but with even fuller lips than ours (because we were teased about them in grade school).

Incidentally, not all of our poll candidates agreed with us. One said she actually tended to date men who look like her mother (whoah!) and another beautiful, lily-white friend of ours that an ex once nicknamed "Porcelain Doll" says she goes after almost exclusively swarthy, Pakistani 'Axis of Evil 'types. And she's the spawn of Holocaust survivors! Rebel! Both Jezebel interns date boys who sort of look like them, down to a short torso on one of them: "My boyfriend was just telling me all his friends from when he was three thought that he wore his pants high because he liked it that way, when in fact, he is not wearing his pants high, but does have a small torso. They just never noticed and thought he had a stick up his ass. Like, his torso is the size of mine. Hot! Not."


Girls Send Macho Men Packing For The Girly Guys [MSNBC]
Why Couples Are As Fat As Each Other [Telegraph]
Related: Fat Is The New Hot
In Praise Of The Homelier Man

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Well, my husband and I are both short, anyway.

He has light-colored hair, blue eyes and freckles; I'm always being asked if I'm Greek (because I have a big nose, olive complexion and brown hair, brown eyes). He's from a long line of horse jockeys; I'm, uh, not. My grandmother's maiden name was "Carney," which I think sums it up pretty well.

It was in my college PSY 101 textbook that people tend to be attracted to people who are on the same level of attractiveness as they are, and I think that bears out well. Neither my husband nor I thought we were beautiful butterflies growing up, yet I think he's amazingly attractive, and he tells me I'm beautiful.

Our first Christmas with my family, everyone teased us about how our kids would be the shortest and smartest in their classes; they'd be picked on constantly.

Maybe that's why we don't have any after six years.