Woman Sues Walmart for Destroying Her Butt-Length Hair

A Portland woman is suing Walmart and a shampoo manufacturer, saying they ruined the Rapunzel-like locks she’d been cultivating since childhood with their shitty dandruff shampoo. She wants $10,000 for her suffering and also to buy some new hair.

The report comes via the Oregonian. According to Jennifer Fahey’s lawsuit, she bought a bottle of private label Equate Everyday Clean Dandruff Shampoo from her local Walmart. When she tried to work the stuff into her hair, it became hopelessly tangled. We’re not talking slept-on-it tangled or even boat-ride tangled, either: “She was not able to remove the knots and as a result she had to cut a large portion of her hair from the top and back of her head,” according to her filing.

Maybe she accidentally bought a packet of bubble gum instead of a bottle of shampoo? Because short of chemical burns or baldness, that’s the worst possible outcome for a hair product.

A stylist tried to fix the remnants, but it just wasn’t the same, according to Fahey’s lawyer, because his client “identifies with long hair.” (I checked, but Crystal Gayle does not live in Portland.) Basically she got Sampsoned by corporate America, and now she wants compensation:

Fahey’s is seeking the $10,000 for her “past, present and future physical and emotional pain and suffering, anxiety, humiliation and embarrassment, expenses for replacement hair, along with diminished and lost wages,” according to her suit. The suit also seeks the cash award for her “loss of life’s pleasures and activities.”