You probably made an ass of yourself the last time you were drunk, but as long as you didn't rub your ass on any expensive artwork there's someone out there who's more mortified than you are. Yesterday 36-year-old Carmen Tisch was charged with felony criminal mischief for punching, scratching, and sliding her butt against a painting worth $30 million. Police suspect that Tisch was drunk when she assaulted "1957-J no.2" by Clyfford Still in a Denver museum devoted to the late artist, causing $10,000 worth of damage. A spokeswoman for the D.A.'s office says, "You have to wonder where her friends were," and that's an important message: Friends don't let friends go on a drunken rampage in an art gallery.
I was drunk in an art museum once. (I had vastly miscalculated my beverage-to-food ratio beforehand.) I kept yanking on my friend's arm and insisting, much too loudly, "you HAVE to see thish! It is BRILLIANT! Look at the form! And the colors. The colors and the form!" Eventually she dragged me to a drinking fountain and had me sit down for awhile.
I used to be very embarrassed by this incident, but no longer. I didn't touch ANY body part to a single artwork. I appreciated the colors and the form, you see.