Woman Hands Over Vodka Receipt Instead of ID During DUI Stop

A Massachusetts woman was arrested during a DUI stop when she showed a police officer a receipt for a bottle of vodka instead of her driver’s license.

For those of you who didn’t decide to quit the Internet and take a spaceship to Mars after reading that sentence, CBS Boston has the full story on how this all went down:

Police Chief Frederick Ryan claims he saw Brenda Drinkwater, 60, of Revere, driving the wrong way and forcing cars off the road on Summer Street in Arlington around 5:30 p.m. Monday. Chief Ryan then pulled her over

Chief Ryan approached the car and asked Drinkwater for her license and registration. But instead of an ID, she handed him a receipt from a liquor store for a bottle of vodka.

It’s like this story was crafted out of the lyrics to a Mötley Crüe song.

“[He] then saw an open bottle of vodka on her passenger seat and could clearly smell the odor of liquor on her breath.” Drinkwater was ordered out of her car and Ryan said she was so drunk she nearly fell over. She failed “a number of sobriety tests,” according to police, and was arrested for operating under the influence for the seventh time.

Drinkwater is charged with a SHITLOAD of crimes. In case you missed it above, this is her seventh fucking DUI. At some point, you either need to give up drinking or give up driving, because clearly you’re not capable of handling both.

I love Vodka (yes, I like to capitalize it. In my world, it’s definitely a proper noun.) Vodka is perfect for so many things. You know what Vodka was not made for? FUCKING DRIVING. Drink Vodka like the rest of us do—at home, alone, in a pool of tears reading crossover Watership Down-Ratatouille fan fiction and tweeting poetry quotes to Gary Busey.