Woman Double-Fisting Pizza on Arena Kiss Cam Is a True American Hero

Viewers of Tuesday night’s Celtics vs. Hawks game were given a solid lesson in what it takes to be a true athletic hero: Double-fisting pizza on the arena Kiss Cam while a couple—barely noticeable in your pizza-slamming glory—grotesquely tongues each other in front of you.

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As the buzzkills/realists at SB Nation point out, Kiss Cam footage is often set up and manipulated to create viral moments such as this one. So what does that mean for us? What is it to live in a time where nothing is real and everything is an ad opportunity? What are we supposed to hold onto? You might as well start with two slices of pizza, one for each hand.

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It was Vince Lombardi, hero from another sport, who once said, “Leaders are made, they are not born.” Perhaps this leader was made by the Atlanta Hawks. Perhaps she was made by a hunger in her belly. Either way, we are inspired.

Managing Editor, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

thetallblonde

yo but fuck her friend who’s like “umm, michelle? you’re on camera? aren’t you trying to be gluten-free? ummm sorry about my friend guys”

SHE KNOWS GODDAMN WELL WHAT SHE’S DOING AND WHAT SHE’S DOING IS BEAUTIFUL

THIS IS THE PIZZA VERSION OF SLUTSHAMING

(ETA: my blood sugar is very low right now, sorry)