In an essay from today's Salon, staffer Sarah Hepola laments the tyranny of her enormous ta tas, a size which she calls "34 ridiculous". "I am embarrassed by my knockers," Hepola writes. "And the fact that something I am embarrassed about is the first thing people notice about me? Well, that kinda sucks. I feel like I could save a baby from a burning building, I could cure cancer with glitter alone, and I would still be referred to as 'Sarah, you know, the short one with the big tits.'"
Sadly, Hepola is so terrified to go bra shopping that she puts it off for years. And although her trips to NYC bra meccas Town Shop and Orchard Corset were successful in that she found bras that fit, they didn't exactly make her feel like a sex goddess — most of the bras looked like they could be used to "parachute out of a plane."
Hepola also wonders if her self-loathing is cultural as she "grew up in an all-white town full of skinny, flat-chested white girls with straight blond hair, girls who were praying (literally praying) for their periods in seventh grade while I was crying over my frizzy hair and hiding my sanitary napkins at sleepovers."
Though her bras might not be pretty, Hepola can take solace in the fact that new technology is being designed to make her boulder holders more supportive. Scientists have developed an "intelligent fabric," which, according to the Telegraph, uses sensors to test the movement of breasts during exercise. This study of breasts in motion will hopefully lead to improvements in bra construction, as big breasted women are currently "at risk of long-term injury because much of the support is given by the straps that bear down on their shoulders."
Maybe once the physical weight of her breasts is off her shoulders, the mental weight of Sarah's breasts will dissipate? For her sake, we hope so.