Wife Can't Be Raped If She Wears Nightie, Says Politician Named Dick

In the ongoing War on Women, it’s hard for a member of the political He Man Woman Haters Club to distinguish himself above other the suit wearers with side parted hair who think they know what’s best for women. That’s why Virginia Delegate Dick Black is special.

Black really goes above and beyond by advocating outlawing abortion in all cases, even to preserve the life of the mother, sending tiny plastic fetuses to pro choice Virginia lawmakers, advocating for “conscience laws” that allow pharmacists to use “morals” as justification for not dispensing birth control to adult women (also known as using “non-science” as an excuse for “not doing their jobs”). Black hates birth control so much that in 2004, he referred to birth control as “baby pesticides,” which is accurate because nothing gets rid of babies that won’t stay away from your tomato plants like a dusting of Yaz.

He’s most famously known for musing over whether it’s possible for a husband to rape his wife, especially if she’s wearing one of those nighties gals these days are so fond of. Nothing says “consent” like wearing clothing to bed!

The “nightie= get out of rape free card” quote actually came from a speech Black made during a legislative debate in 2002, but his legislative opponent has brought it to light again in a new ad. Black said,

I don’t know how on earth you could validly get a conviction in a husband-wife rape when they’re living together, sleeping in the same bed, she’s in a nightie and so forth. There’s no injury, there’s no separation, or anything.

If this were an episode of Law & Order: SVU, this would be the part where we found out that Dick Black did something totally fucked up to his wife.

Despite his extreme views and questionable compassion levels, analysts predict that Black will win the election and once again serve as a Virginia State Senator, where, barring some sort of fairy-based epiphany that leads to a complete change of heart, Black will presumably continue to fight to bring America’s women back to the Dark Ages.