Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?

Because she's in a glitz pageant! At least, that was the reasoning regarding this 6-year-old from last night's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.



I thought I was becoming desensitized to all the "needlessness" involved in the child pageant world. Until I saw this:

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Which I actually found less offensive than this:

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What does Victoria want to be when she grows up?

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You might think it sounds like a lot, but if Barbie can do it, so can Victoria.

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What was Victoria's talent for the pageant?

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How did Victoria think it went?

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What did the judges write?

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"On the floor too much and stuff. Broke wind."

This is 7-year-old Elexis. She has pet hermit crabs that she talks to.

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This sentiment has such a different meaning when said by an Atlantic City hooker.

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Elexis' mom had beef with Margie, the makeup artist.

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She said, "I think it might just be her personality, but she doesn't make me feel real warm and fuzzy. I feel very intimidated around her." I don't blame her. This is Margie.

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Also intimidating: Debbie, the self-professed "tough judge."

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You know, after watching so many of these child pageant things on TV, I always thought that the parents seemed most insane when they got up and coached their children from the audience.

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But it turns out, it's just as disturbing when they do it in their heads.

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And then there's Maude Morgan.

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She's like Phyllis Diller.

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In a Carol Channing wig.

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She's down.

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She even has a grill.

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She knows what she's talking about.

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And nobody could ever question her commitment to Sparkle Motion.


She has the support of her mom.

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(While supplies last.)

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Her father, however, actually thinks that this outfit is too revealing for a 7-year-old. He's so silly!


Speaking of men in pageants, here's a summary of a debate following last week's recap of T&T.

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DISCUSSION

By
Lin-Z [linguist on duty]

Do all the girls craft dances for the "talent portion." Not to say dancing doesn't take talent, but this kind of dancing...not really.

Let's see some unicycling or something!

full disclosure: i am a unicyclist.