Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?

Because she's in a glitz pageant! At least, that was the reasoning regarding this 6-year-old from last night's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.

I thought I was becoming desensitized to all the "needlessness" involved in the child pageant world. Until I saw this:

Which I actually found less offensive than this:

What does Victoria want to be when she grows up?

You might think it sounds like a lot, but if Barbie can do it, so can Victoria.

What was Victoria's talent for the pageant?

How did Victoria think it went?

What did the judges write?

"On the floor too much and stuff. Broke wind."

This is 7-year-old Elexis. She has pet hermit crabs that she talks to.

This sentiment has such a different meaning when said by an Atlantic City hooker.

Elexis' mom had beef with Margie, the makeup artist.

She said, "I think it might just be her personality, but she doesn't make me feel real warm and fuzzy. I feel very intimidated around her." I don't blame her. This is Margie.

Also intimidating: Debbie, the self-professed "tough judge."

You know, after watching so many of these child pageant things on TV, I always thought that the parents seemed most insane when they got up and coached their children from the audience.

But it turns out, it's just as disturbing when they do it in their heads.

And then there's Maude Morgan.

She's like Phyllis Diller.

In a Carol Channing wig.

She's down.

She even has a grill.

She knows what she's talking about.

And nobody could ever question her commitment to Sparkle Motion.

She has the support of her mom.

(While supplies last.)

Her father, however, actually thinks that this outfit is too revealing for a 7-year-old. He's so silly!

Speaking of men in pageants, here's a summary of a debate following last week's recap of T&T.