Only about 791 of you have written in to tell us Generation X is being re-cast as "Generation No Sex." We had pretty much already established that the anecdotal way, thanks v. much! A new study says people born between 1965 and 1985 — and since when did 22-year-olds qualify for Gen X? whatevs — have "significantly fewer sexual partners and are less likely to be unfaithful than those who came before and after them." Um, after them? So we've had less sex than the average 20-year-old? Oooooh, another study: "probably!" Apparently younger college-type kids have a lot of sex, especially if they drink or have been diagnosed with "conduct problems" like ADD. Okay, so, my two cents: it's all the fault of the pill.
Our parents talked about the pill as this epic moment in history, but they were too high and unemployed to realize that it makes most people crazy and depressed and dry as a bone, so when we discovered that, it was, ahem, a bonerkiller. Then when we realized we were probably not going to get AIDS, we discovered we probably were going to get herpes or HPV or the clap or the drip or somesuch, so that was a bonerkiller. When we realized our Pill-generated depression could be cured with an SSRI, that was a bonerkiller. When we realized we'd gladly trade in our libidos for a little sanity — and our fuckbuddies for a stable relationship — realizations that also were definite bonerkillers.
Too many of these fits and starts and suddenly the momentum was gone and we didn't really want sex at all, except with our vibrators, which most of us have had longer than our longest relationship, and meanwhile where everyone portrayed in the media in the sixties and seventies was totally sexy in a sexy way, everyone portrayed in the media right now is some new iteration of Paris Hilton, which all the Gen Y-ers are too young and high on Adderall to realize is the opposite of sexy. And that's the final insult: kids young enough to be your niece are imitating what they saw on Paris's sidekick or whatever, and that is what modern society considers "sexy" and the the thought of that is enough to convert me to Mormonism.
And yes that is hyperbole but seriously.