Whore Pill-Hating Hobby Lobby Will Have to Pay A Buttload of Fines for Ignoring Obamacare

Illustration for article titled Whore Pill-Hating Hobby Lobby Will Have to Pay A Buttload of Fines for Ignoring Obamacare

Here's a word you should know, if not from listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack until your college roommate threatened to throw the CD out of the window: schadenfreude. It's German, and it means being happy when others meet misfortune. It's a perfect way to describe how I felt when I read that Hobby Lobby, the evangelical-owned chain of crafting supply stores, not only won't be able to lay out their "other people buying birth control violates my personal rights" argument before the Supreme Court, for every day they refuse to comply with Obamacare's contraception mandate, they'll be forced to pay $1.3 million in fines. Do you have any idea how much iced out ricrac you could buy with that money?!

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The daily fines, which will begin being assessed on January 1st of 2013, cap off a long year of the Oklahoma City-based chain attempting to argue that the owners' personal beliefs should dictate how their employees are allowed to use their benefits. They lost in court in November on the grounds that while people are very serious about scrapbooking, Hobby Lobby is not technically a religious organization and does not qualify for a religious exemption to the contraception mandate. Before Christmas, the Supreme Court refused to grant the chain an emergency injunction against the law, but that hasn't stopped the company's lawyer from asserting that they're not going to comply with the law. Says Hobby Lobby's attorney Kyle Duncan,

"The company will continue to provide health insurance to all qualified employees. To remain true to their faith, it is not their intention, as a company, to pay for abortion-inducing drugs."

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Ugh, you rubber cement-huffing nincompoop. Emergency contraception doesn't cause abortions, no matter how many times you repeat it.

Anyway, I'm all for Hobby Lobby (and all other organizations that think birth control is totes gross) ignoring the law. If they keep this up for long enough, we won't have to worry about the fiscal cliff.

And I suppose that now's as good a time as any to confess publicly that "Hobby Lobby" is the nickname I've given my vagina.

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DISCUSSION

Are you kidding me? People on this side of politics constantly bitch and moan about how other religions should be respected and have the right to believe what they want without criticism, but the minute a Christian corporation sticks to its guns, it's the end of the world.

Stop acting like it's fucking war on women. Stop assuming people who think differently than you are out to get you. Google how women in a lot of other countries get treated, watch "Tho Stoning of Soraya M," and consider yourselves lucky, you spoiled whiny little brats.

America was founded on RELIGIOUS FREEDOM, and that's exactly what you're attacking right now. Take a few classes and go to church and learn WHY they are the way they are, then state your case. For example:

If I worked for a company run by traditional Catholics who weren't comfortable helping cover birth control, that should be completely fine. They have a decent explanation for what they believe, and it's extremely offensive and close-minded for others to attack without considering them. It's like a woman running into a mosque and flailing her hair around saying "Look at me!"; Even if you don't understand the hair-covering rule (or if you don't agree with it), you should respect it, especially when you haven't taken the time to learn why it exists.

Relax. Take a little time to learn some things. And respect the first amendment.