Who Would Make a Truly Interesting Playboy Cover Model?

Earlier today, Playboy released the cover images for its much-hyped 60th anniversary issue featuring model Kate Moss. Now, why exactly Kate Moss is such an exciting cover girl is a bit of a mystery because, as a quick search of Google images will show you, finding pictures Kate Moss naked is very easy and — unlike a special issue of Playboy — very free.

That’s not a dig on Moss for often posing nude. It’s just a fact — girlfriend has no problem going naked in front of cameras and has done so many times. She’s in good company, too. A lot of famous women have some form of naked photos floating around out there, which ends up making the whole “appearing in Playboy” thing a little pointless.

And yet the magazine charges on, but not without a few changes. Apparently, this 60th anniversary issue, featuring Moss in the classic Playboy Bunny costume, is supposed to represent a return to the brand’s classier-seeming roots. In other words, they’re trying to shift our current associations with the Playboy franchise (the Coreys losing their virginities in a lukewarm hot tub at the Mansion?) to something a little more highfalutin and Don Draper-y.

But as Thomas Wolfe once wrote, “You can’t go home again” and those 1960s Playboy Club days are long over. Even if they wanted to truly class up the Playboy image, the chance of their rebranding holding any appeal seems like a nearly impossible task considering the current (and naked) state of pop culture. If people want to look at images — “classy” or otherwise — of naked bodies, they can look to movies or fashion or the internet and they can do it all without the embarrassment of subscribing to or going into a store to buy Playboy.

That said, who could Playboy put on its cover to make it interesting and classy enough for people to fork over the cash to buy it?

We have some suggestions…

Mrs. Potts

Because what’s classier and more interesting than a teapot who speaks in the voice of Angela Lansbury?

A bottle of White Diamonds perfume

Those otters who look like Benedict Cumberbatch

The Beckys from Roseanne.

2 girls, 1 role.

The Dowager Countess

These penguins who look like they’re wearing tuxedos