Who Would God Vote For? Probably the Fascists!

Illustration for article titled Who Would God Vote For? Probably the Fascists!

Not that I ever smoked, but I guess I'd start, too, if my house looked like that. But there are disasters all over the place today, from Hillary's wonderful comments on race to the innocent guy we held in Gitmo who decided that the terrorists were right about us to the Myanmar cyclone pictured. It's disaster day on Crappy Hour, as Moe takes a much-needed break and I take a moment away from Glamocracy to talk Texas, Hillary, terrorists, fascists and God with the Washington Independent's Attackerman, Spencer Ackerman.


MEGAN: So, here we are again, Crappy-ing without Moe who is on vacation because you and me are suckers, possibly. I've heard vacations are nice, though. Through the grapevine.
SPENCER: speaking of vacations, i need to put out an open call to the Jezebels who live in Austin
on Saturday 5/17 i'll be there to see the reunion show of classic 90s Chicago punk band Los Crudos
and i have nowhere to stay and no one to hang out with now that my travel partner has abandoned me for such frivolities as "finding a place to live"
so if any of you guys live in austin and can put up with a respectful houseguest for like a day, holler at sackerman-at-washingtonindependent-dot-com
ok what is in the news
MEGAN: Oh, that sucks about having nowhere to stay! I'd offer up someone but the only person I for sure know in Texas is in Dallas and it's this douchebag lobbyist I used to date and I wouldn't subject anyone to his company. And if you were a girl, he'd mack on you something awful.
SPENCER: so, HRC not dropping out despite our awesome reconciliation-filled comment thread yesterday?
MEGAN: Nope, not in the slightest. She's in it to win it, even if she cannot, mathematically speaking, win it. I am counting down the minutes until she mentions again that "pledged" delegates are not actually obligated to vote for whom they were elected to vote for...
SPENCER: this baffles me
how the press treats her candidacy like it's still viable, even as they're pointing that out
MEGAN: Well, she is a candidate. And she could win if she did manage to convince like 80% of the supers to support her and continued to get at least decent margins in the primaries. It's just unlikely to happen.
Very, very, very unlikely.
SPENCER: i was watching the detroit-orlando last night and was thinking about what would happen if sportscasters started saying things like, "orlando is up by over 20 with 30 seconds left in the fourth, but detroit could still pull it out in the unlikely event of overtime"
MEGAN: Actually, that might make it worth it to me to watch a basketball game. I fucking hate sports commentary, but if it was actually Dadaist in its absurdity...
SPENCER: ok and so not to pick on HRC, because yesterday's CH comments were a beautiful miracle, but the longer this goes on the more it makes her say things like this:

"I have a much broader base to build a winning coalition on," she said in an interview with USA TODAY. As evidence, Clinton cited an Associated Press article "that found how Sen. Obama's support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me."


so she has a much broader base to build a coalition OF WHITE PEOPLE
MEGAN: Ah, yes, the coveted Caucasian-American demographic.
SPENCER: this is her i-should-stay-in-the-race argument
MEGAN: White people like her!
SPENCER: can someone come up with an argument for why this isn't disgusting?
and should we WANT someone to?
someone needs to sit HRC down and tell her enough is enough, for her own sake
MEGAN: I mean, we're elitist. Our votes don't matter.
Obviously, since we've had 8 years of the Bush Administration.
SPENCER: at what point do New York African-Americans decide they can't support her in 2012?
SPENCER: you can't win a senate election in new york as a democrat without african americans
MEGAN: New Yorkers support plenty of bad politicians, I wouldn't hold your breath on that one.
Besides, there are lots of hard working uneducated white people upstate. I should know.
an enterprising reporter should call charlie rangel and see what he makes of that quote
MEGAN: Charlie will never answer the phone in a million, zillion years.
SPENCER: luckily i spend my days interviewing david petraeus so that ain't gonna be me
MEGAN: Whee, national security stuff!
Also, can you please explain to me what this means? Is A'jad on the outsies?
SPENCER: is it bad form to keep linking to my stuff? probably yeah. so i might as well go all-out-tacky and just quote myself:

a strong prima facie case can be made that Ajmi didn't "return" to the battlefield. The experience of being hooded and goggled and flown half a world away in the belly of a C-130; of being caged under the hot sun in the chain-link-and-wood sarcophagus of Camp X-Ray and then the panopticon of Camp Delta — and I have seen it with my own eyes; of being always at the mercy of the Quick Reaction Force and the Joint Detentions Operations Group and the interrogators; and never having a clear and open and fair path to argue for your freedom for years — that is the sort of thing that makes a man plot revenge. To deny that is to deny human nature.

I'm not saying Ajmi was an innocent. I'm not saying Guantanamo gave him a license to murder. And I'm certainly not saying that his victims deserved to die because he spent three years in Guantanamo.

What I'm saying is that a completely forseeable consequence of Guantanamo Bay is the creation of terrorists.

ewwwwwww that was like matching black with navy
MEGAN: Oh, so we're going to talk about you now? Ok.
Well, great argument for never letting them leave Gitmo, which is sort of already the plan.
SPENCER: it's not an argument for not letting them leave GTMO at all!
that's twisted megan
your love of freedom has made you hate freedom
there's this awesome thing called due process
MEGAN: In America? Ha.
SPENCER: i'm waiting to see harold and kumar detonate themselves in mosul
MEGAN: We create them here so we can justify fighting them there?
SPENCER: true fact: guy sitting next to me at DC's best coffee shop mocha hut is reading the USA Today interview with HRC and has his furrowed brow in his hands
(well, hand. That's my commitment to accuracy!)
MEGAN: My brow is furrowed but only because I feel a headache coming on.
SPENCER: i think i'm dehydrated
MEGAN: Dude, I know I'm dehydrated. I've been practicing the great art of drunkorexia again.
SPENCER: is there something else that happened? like how a cyclone killed perhaps 60,000 people in burma?
MEGAN: At least 100,000 will eventually end up being dead, actually, but the junta just let aid workers in if they promise not to fetishize freedom and access to money and food.
SPENCER: josh kurlantzick had a piece in TNR like yesterday that argued there's no way the wake of the disaster could dislodge the SLORC
but i didnt read it
MEGAN: I didn't either, but it sounds about right, but I'm a pessimist.
SPENCER: if there's an example of a natural disaster in an authoritarian country leading to significant political perestroika, i'm drawing a blank
there was that earthquake in iran in like 2003 — couple years later, ahmedinejad was elected
was there something in the caucasus around the time of all those short-lived color-revolutions or am i making that up
MEGAN: The tsunami a couple years ago didn't do anything, either, and after it the democratically elected leader of Thailand, Taksin, was ousted in a coup.
SPENCER: so clearly natural disasters are, pace orwell, objectively pro-fascist
which begs the question of God's political allegiances
MEGAN: There's a God?

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I could live the rest of my life without hearing the words, "race card" again and be happy.

I'm not getting into the political arguments here - my feelings are you support who you want to support. But when a person's negative experiences in relationship to "race" are labeled as the "race card" it diminishes the actual experience of that person.

Please realize it may be a minor blimp to you if you aren't a member of the class that daily deals with race issues in the grocery store, at their job, driving home, buying a car etc.

I'm sick of that term!