Who Will Save Our Souls From This News: Jewel and Sean Penn Were Once a Secret Couple

In a STARTLING revelation, singer and poet Jewel says that she secretly dated and fell in love with Sean Penn while he and his then-wife Robin Wright were briefly separated in the ‘90s. They met in a hair salon. I dislike this story already.

In her new book Never Broken, Jewel writes:

“We spoke on the phone a lot and he was a fantastic flirt and I did not mind one bit, but I was no fool and knew I was most likely a trifle to him. I intended to give him no such conquest. I put that man through his paces and he took it in stride. He began to court me in earnest, following me around on tour, acting as my de facto roadie.”

And:

“I liked his mind sober, and had fun playing this way. When I told him this in all seriousness, in a dive bar after a sound check, he responded with a melancholy stare and then canary-eating grin and said it would be impossible not to fall in love with me. I looked at him to see if he was serious. It seemed he was.”

His hands are small, I know, but they’re not yours, they are Sean Penn’s, but they’re not yours, they are Sean Penn’s and Jewel used to hold them.

[US Weekly]

Harry Styles’ older sister Gemma took a date to a One Direction concert and Harry interrupted the show to see how it was going, saying, ““I’m sorry if I seem distracted. My sister’s here on a date, and I’m trying to keep an eye on it.”

Mind your own fucking bees wax, Harry! Sorry for yelling! I still love you! [People]

Amy Schumer got a book deal with an $8-10 million advance. That’s right: EIGHT TO TEN MILLION DOLLARS. “According to publishing insiders, agent David Kuhn at Kuhn Projects is shopping an essay collection by the comedian that some believe will draw a high-seven-figure advance,” Publisher’s Weekly reported in mid September. The book’s rumored working title is The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo, though her reps have yet to give any details. [EW]

Michael B. Jordan called women “females,” so you can put that internet crush on hold for a little while. [Page Six]
But you can still swoon over Dev Patel and Freida Pinto if you want. [US Weekly]
Not sure if you’ve figured this out yet, but Ryan Reynolds is a real GOOFY dad. [R29]
Did Jamie Lee Curtis invent Instagram? My guess is no. [People]