Who Should Be on Julian Assange's Talk Show?

Illustration for article titled Who Should Be on Julian Assange's Talk Show?

Here's the new show you weren't waiting for: Julian Assange has promised to launch a talk show about "the world tomorrow." Assuming this show actually airs (which it probably won't), who should the WikiLeaker invite as his guests?


According to the AP, Assange announced yesterday that he'd be hosting a show featuring "iconoclasts, visionaries and power insiders" sharing "their ideas on how to secure a brighter future." There's every reason to expect this show will never actually happen — for instance, if Assange gets extradited to Sweden, he'll be standing trial and may not have tons of time to be on TV. Also, it's being produced by what the AP calls "the hitherto obscure Quick Roll Productions, whose website carried no indication of where the group was based or who was managing it." So basically, Julian's Basement Films. Assuming, however, that the show surmounts these obstacles and actually gets made, here's who we'd like to see on it:

Kim Jong-un: Nobody knows anything about the new leader of North Korea — is he 28? 30? Nine hundred and seven? So pretty much any interview with him would be a big coup. And if Assange couldn't get the secretive head of state to come on air, he could just get somebody to leak his GChat logs or something. FidelCastro says: whatsup, I'm bored. KJUn999 says: nothin. chillin. forcin population further into famine to fuel megalomaniacal dreams of military dominance. the usual.

Eli Manning: Pfc. Bradley Manning, who's accused of leaking US government documents to WikiLeaks, is busy awaiting court martial. But quarterback Eli Manning (no relation) just led the Giants to victory over the 49ers. Surely he'll have some interesting thoughts on today's geopolitical problems.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn: This one is really a no-brainer. They could talk about what a bummer it is to be selfishly accused of rape when they were busy trying to reinvent the world political system. Why are these two not already besties?

Jimmy McMillan of The Rent Is Too Damn High Party: I just feel like these two would get along. McMillan is certainly an iconoclast! Plus he could give Assange hairstyling tips.

Heidi Klum: Who better to host Klum's first post-divorce interview than the man who brought us the gossip of a host of foreign diplomats? Plus, Assange will be sure to charm her with his romancing skills.


Silvio Berlusconi: He's out of a job right now, and he's probably eager to correct the WikiLeaks cables' portrayal of him as a wasted lush. Surely an appearance on Assange's show would put him well on the road to political legitimacy. The only hitch: his contract requires that he be flanked in all TV appearances by seven topless women wearing Santa hats.

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange says he's launching TV show, promises controversy [AP, via Washington Post, via Newser]



NON-SNARK ANSWER: maybe he'll have people on who have interesting viewpoints and ideas with regards to activism in the 21st century (or perhaps more specifically, "hacktivism"); or theorists with interesting things to say about society and culture (e.g., Noam Chomsky, Hilary Putnam, Stanley Fish); or people who can talk about the evolving nature and importance of information technology and network security (e.g., John Robb, a bunch of hackers whose names I don't know because I don't truck in those circles); futurist authors and writers (e.g., Neil Stephenson, Cory Doctorow, Warren Ellis, Bruce Sterling, Paolo Bacigalupi); and maybe some people with interesting ideas about how to save democracy in an age of corporate greed, and blah and etc (e.g., Lawrence Lessig).

SNARK ANSWER: misogynistic rapists. (I'm not very good at this snark stuff)