Where AIDS Comes From, According to a Very Misinformed Republican

Illustration for article titled Where AIDS Comes From, According to a Very Misinformed Republican

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS. Where does it come from? Why does it happen? What is it even? If you're ever taken a health-ed class, you know a little bit about this mystery disease that has stumped scientists for decades. Like the fact that it's not just for gay people or that it doesn't just come from anal sex. But a Minnesota Republican doesn't agree with all the the stupid science you've heard about. And he's here to tell you the truth. It's about enzymes.


Bob Frey is a Minnesota house candidate who is making Sodomy (big S because it is a BIG deal) one of his main campaign issues. And in order to let you, the voting public, know how dangerous sodomy is, he's willing to explain where AIDS comes from. Here's the pertinent quote from Minnpost:

"When you have egg and sperm that meet in conception, there's an enzyme in the front that burns through the egg. The enzyme burns through so the DNA can enter the egg. If the sperm is deposited anally, it's the enzyme that causes the immune system to fail. That's why the term is AIDS – acquired immunodeficiency syndrome."


Yes, those are definitely words. And they certainly form a compelling argument. But once you look past Frey's wonderful and creative use of the word "enzyme" the entire thing falls apart like a house of cards that has been generously lubricated with Boy Butter brand lubricant (the kind that heats up!). Because just using random science words doesn't make something true, and considering how insane his explanation is, it's difficult to believe that Frey even knows what enzymes are, much less what they do. Where did he even come up with this idea? Tumblr? (I wonder if he's ever heard of knotting, because this description sounds very much like it came from a Supernatural/Dr.Who/Something Called Hetalia crossover slash-fic.) (That is a thing I just made up but also probably exists.)

The Daily Kos posits that Frey thought up this theory while high on all of the available drugs in the nation (and I agree to a point because I took two Vicodin once and thought I wrote ten pages of my master's thesis but actually made a Kim Kardashian collage and had to talk to my advisor about why I wasn't producing work in a timely manner), but there's also something to be said about wanting to believe in something so badly that it becomes true (you should put your examples in the comments).

Frey's son, Mike Frey, also agrees with this theory and actually gave a much more complex, but still very crazy, explanation when appearing before the House Civil Law Committee to protest same-sex marriage in 2013.

While it's unlikely that the Freys' theory will gain any traction, perhaps the family should move out of politics and go back to what they're actually good at: Killing Starks.


Image via Minnpost

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Ari Schwartz: Dark Lord of the Snark

True story: an acquaintance's boyfriend argued with my buddy (who is a physician) that the only way to contract "AIDS" (not HIV, but just straight up AIDS) is "gay butt-sex." Not "straight butt-sex." Only the gay butt sex would suffice.

He was employed. Gainfully.

I weep for humanity.