Amanda Hess at The Sexist has compiled a hilarious list of recent sex toy patent applications; sadly, the list lacks a little something. Namely: the names of female inventors.

Except, that is, for this "Rocker Apparatus," invented by Georgianna Reid when she stuck a dildo through the front of her wicker rocking chair and used her legs to rock the chair and thereby, well, you know. Although Hess's post is called "Dildos of the Future," a wicker chair seems rather a low-tech method compared to some fucking machines I've seen. But, to Reid, it must have been quite the pleasurable revelation — and good for her!

The only other application with a woman's name on it is for the "double anchor strapless dildo," for whom the (I hope) husband-and-wife team of Steven and Carolyn Skidmore are listed as inventors. The device defies description but I will make an effort if you'll look at the picture.

My understanding is that the woman wearing the strap-on, instead of putting it in a harness, sticks the barbed bit in her ass like a butt plug and the shorter end in her vagina and, thus "anchored," fucks her partner (in the application, it's intended to be a woman, but choose your own adventure) with the longer protuberance. I'm going to guess that the Skidmores have a close relationship.


The other inventions — including a dildo attached to an Ab Rocker (which I am pretty sure I saw in some gay porn), a make-a-copy-of your-willy kit (similar to what Tracie used to make a lollipop 18 months ago) and the idea of female sperm — were all invented by men, possibly for their own use. But what was the stupidest sex toy you ever saw — the one that was designed for how a dude thinks women fuck themselves? And what would you invent, if you could?

The Dildos of the Future [The Sexist]

Earlier: Sexual Chocolate: Testing The Clone-A-Willy Kit