The Biggest Lie You've Ever Gotten Away With

Illustration for article titled The Biggest Lie Youve Ever Gotten Away With

Pissing Contest has covered the most absurd lies you've ever heard, but we've yet to touch on something for more impressive and important: What's the biggest lie that you personally have ever gotten away with?

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The Jezebel staff was reluctant to come clean with any of their own. All I can tell you is that Kara Brown actually LOVES milk and Kate Dries may or may not be the Zodiac Killer.

But despite our own cowardice, I'd like to encourage you to air you lies out, shed your guild (while hiding behind a screen name) and maybe get some peace in that miserable life of yours. Besides, what's the point of pulling off something remarkable if you never get a chance to brag about it?

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And now for the winner of last week's Pissing Contest, The Grossest Thing You've Ever Eaten.

(For the record, I'm tempted to cheat and give this one to Jia Tolentino because I don't think a single submission beat her offerings of fermented horse milk and lasagna made with intestines instead of noodles, but I will refrain.)

It's a three-way tie between Curious Squid,

A booger picked from someone's boyfriend's nose, for $100, and a tragicomically misguided sense of pride and honour. I was 18 and.... not sober.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

adventurous eater, Editor-in-Grief,

I don't think any of these foods that I've tried are gross, but could be classified as weird:

-Pig blood stew over rice

-Salt and vinegar crickets

-Sea urchin gelato

-Head cheese

-Pulque: A strange foamy, fermented alcoholic drink. Used it to wash down a huitlacoche tortilla

-Too much wild game to count: Alligator, kangaroo jerky, warthog, crocodile, ostrich, etc.

As for actually gross, I'd say durian and a Tour of Italy from Olive Garden.

and returning champ, The Gaysian (click the link for a visual)!

This is where my Asian background comes into play!

I have eaten Balut. I went to my Filipino friend's house and had this by complete mistake. On the outside, it looks like a normal boiled egg, but on the inside, it's actually a half developed duck fetus, that's slightly crunchy and has FEATHERS.

Also, on a dare from my Korean grandmother, I have had live salted baby octopus, that apparently you're supposed to swallow whole.

I sincerely hope this doesn't affect my dating prospects...

Congrats, everyone! Now it's time to come clean...

Image via Shutterstock.

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When I was 14 or 15, I participated in a summer live-in college prep program at the local university. There were, IIRC, 125 other high-school kids, along with a dozen or so staff and instructors. At the beginning of the program, they distributed a whole lot of paperwork that most people never read, including a list of all students and staff and, for some unknown reason, their birthdays.

I don't know where I got the idea, but for whatever reason, I memorized everyone's birthday, and then spent the summer convincing everyone that I could read birthdays on people's palms. I'd always make a big production of it—"So this line tells me.... May, right? And this line... the 14th? No, wait, the 15th!"—and I always said it didn't work for everyone, so when someone whose birthday I didn't know asked to see the trick, I could just look at their palm, shake my head regretfully, and say their lines weren't clear enough.

I seriously had the whole program, staff and students alike, convinced. I never confessed, either—there are probably still people who believe that they once met someone who could read birthdays on people's palms.