When 1 in 5 Men Have Abused Women, We Need New Statistics

Nearly one in five men admit to abusing their wives or girlfriends, which really makes you think, how many of those abusers do I know? With such a small number, what else do one in five people do? Refuse to wash their hands after peeing? Pick their nose in public? Be open to a sexual rendezvous with a robot? Real questions need real answers.

According to a University of Michigan study highlighted by NBC News, researchers surveyed 500 men asking them “Over the course of your relationship, how often have you ever done any of these things (pushed, grabbed, or shoved; threw something; slapped or hit; kicked, bit, or hit with a fist; beat up; choked; burned or scalded; threatened with a knife or gun) to your current spouse/partner?” Answering verbally, nineteen percent said they’d done at least one of those actions. Dr. Vijay Singh, who headed the study, thinks if the men could’ve written their answers anonymously, that number would’ve been even higher.

Guys, there a zillion other things that I’d rather learn that one in five people do.

For example, how about one in five people in the whole world own a fancy cell phone. Texting for everyone! With gifs!

Or, what about dreams? Twenty percent of people dream about their pets on a regular basis. I would like to dream about an adorable Shiba Inu please, licking my hand.

In terms of money, here’s a terrifying thought, one in five people close to retirement have no money stashed away to actually retire. This means they will be that person behind the counter at a fast food restaurant who’s too old to be on their feet that long. Will that be you?

Or, how about this? One in five people cry while watching sad movies and Facebook videos because they are genetically predisposed to “sensory processing sensitivity.” Or rather, now there is an excuse for why I teared up watching Katy Perry’s Part of Me on a flight. Don’t judge me, man.

There’s even a space robot sex in the one in five discussion! One in five people are open to shagging a robot, which might be the same as humping a vibrator? No, right?

The point is, there are a myriad of other things people like myself would rather learn one in five people do that does not include violence against women.