What's Your Body Type: Cocktail Ring Or Lipstick?

Have you ever wondered piece of which chick lit clip art best describes your body? Today’s Today featured a segment with “world-renowned style expert” Jacqui Stafford, who has come up with a set of new body type descriptors—and rules for how to dress them to make them less hideous—that are very girlie and nonsensical. “Fragrance bottles” are women with big asses (ex: Beyoncé); “heart-shaped pendants” are women with big tits (ex: Halle Berry); “cocktail rings” are big everywhere (ex: Lena Dunham); and “lipsticks” are skinny bitches (ex: Taylor Swift). (All examples are Stafford’s, not mine.) According to Stafford women with bodies like Taylor Swift can be “very hard to dress.” I guess because it’s so difficult to have every single sartorial option available to you? Please. If I have to hear one more bitch complain about how hard it is to be so skinny, I am going to eat her.