What's Wrong With Having Frenemies?

Illustration for article titled What's Wrong With Having Frenemies?

I've had a frenemy or two. Haven't we all? The thing that pisses me off about this article in the Daily News (title: "From Frenemies To Player HateHERS, Women Just Can't Get Along") is that they make it seem like this is an exclusively female phenomenon. Writes Leah Chernikoff, "There are different types of frenemies… There are 'black holes' who bring constant drama and are always in crisis. There are frenemies who'd rather hear about how miserable you are than hear about the successes in your life. Then there are the fair-weather frenemies who only want to see you when they're single, and ditch you as soon as they pick up with a new guy… So why do women act this way?" Here comes the old women-are-sensitive-creatures-at-the-mercy-of-their-emotions bullshit. When Chernikoff asks, "Why do women act this way?" here's what she gets:

Engaging in frenemy or player hateHER behavior can be "an outlet for aggression and negative behavior," explains Long Island-based psychologist Dr. Jean Cirillo. "Sometimes a woman is continuing a bad relationship with her mother or a female friend."

And there's a reason we keep our frenemies close. "It makes for good gossip with your friends," says therapist Stacy Kaiser. "It's why we like reality TV or we rubberneck when there's a traffic accident - it is literally like that person is the traffic accident. It's so shocking that you want to watch it. Until the pain gets too great."


Hear that ladies? You don't hate that chick who slept with the guy you liked even though she knew you liked him and then continue to see her socially because you have your pride and refuse to let her get the best of you. No, it's because you have mommy issues or problems with some other female, says the female shrink. Or because you're a drama queen who loves gossip, says the other chick shrink. Deep breath.

Here's my theory: Having a "frenemy" is actually not a problem. Having a fremeny is the civilized and polite choice. Having a frenemy is not the exclusive domain of women. When a human being is upset by another human being but doesn't want to upset the delicate balance of his or her immediate community and therefore smiles through the seething hate instead of clawing the offender's jugular out, that is advanced sociopsychological behavior. Wars can be avoided by learning the refined skill of diplomacy. Why waste time and effort in confrontation and conflict over a so-called friend stealing champagne from your house when you can just vow not to speak to her for three months and then have dinner with her in six months? My answer to the question "Why do women act this way?" is: Because we're evolved.

From Frenemies To Player HateHERS, Women Just Can't Get Along [Daily News]



@gretchitude: ugh. It IS. And I do think it often boils down to not wanting to deal with the drama of ending a friendship with someone who thrives on drama and will use it against you in the future. That's another reason being part of a group of friends sucks. You can't really get rid of one without messing things up with the rest of them. Eventually someone will have to pick a side...