Illustration for article titled Whats TSA for Vagina?

Just as male politicians attempting to enact legislation that governs the "intrapants marital familiarity area" seem incapable of saying the word "vagina," so too do our terrorism-fighting friends in the Transportation Security Administration. It seems that as they're combing America's walkers, wheelchairs, and colostomy bags for bombs, at least one agent has coined her own term for "female genitalia." And it's surprisingly French.


Alert but travel-weary reader Siobhan flew from San Francisco to the East Coast for a wedding last weekend, and while she was being checked out by security, she says she was taken aback by the sanitized language they used to refer to the private areas they were scouring for bombs. Before the female security officer subjected her to a pat-down, the officer explained that she'd be using the backs of her hands over her "chest" and "rear." Which I suppose is better than being told your funbags would be honked in the name of patriotism, but a little dishonest in the face of what's actually being done. Siobhan explains,

While I don't enjoy getting "patted down", and would absolutely skip the process if I could, I'm more comfortable with a woman drawing her hands up and down every surface of my body than I image many other women are. What I'm not comfortable with, is having my body parts incorrectly referred to as part of a way for the TSA to make this process seem less invasive.


She's right; regardless of what the TSA calls your bathtime and doctor touching only region, what the TSA is doing is paying people to run their hands over your tits and ass. But it gets better!

Then she told me that she would "draw my had up your inner thigh until I feel resistance" (I'm writing this from memory, but I believe that to be verbatim what she said). The room was crowded and noisy and I thought maybe I hadn't heard her right. "what did you just call my vagina?" I politely inquired. She said that she had not said vagina and repeated herself.

Ok, so to the TSA, your sweater lovepuppies are now known as "chest," your badonkadonk is known as your "rear," and your pleasure tube is now "resistance?" Does this sanitize the TSA's search process or make them sound like they've just characterized your vulva as a Jean Valjean-style singing revolutionary? Jean Valgina?

At any rate, I haven't heard of any other instances of TSA screeners referring to Beaver Valley as "resistance," but if you have, let us know in the comments.


Viva le resistance!

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