The Seattle Post-Intelligencer has a cute little time-waster yanked from, entitled "What does your favorite ice cream flavor say about you?" Well, here are some answers: Butter pecan is respectful, chocolate chip is competitive, coffee is flirtatious. One problem: Chocolate is conspicuously absent from the list. Another problem: The descriptions are just too damn perky and positive! So in honor of our feeling cranky, persnickety and cantankerous today, we've created our own version. Check it out after the jump.

  • Butter Pecan: You have to be different, don't you? Always showing off. Also, when you need nuts in your ice cream, it means you are nuts.
  • Chocolate Chip: Chocolate is the best part of the ice cream, but you can't commit to that, can you? You're scared of taking things too far, which is why you always fail. Loser.
  • Coffee: If you want coffee, why don't you just order coffee? You're such a fucking diva.
  • Double Chocolate Chunk: Ever heard of self-restraint? Gluttony is a sin, you greedy bitch.
  • Mint Chocolate Chip: Everything is about you, isn't it. And you're always whining about every little decision. Make up your fucking mind already.
  • Rocky Road: This is self-explanatory. Get some therapy.
  • Strawberry: No one thinks you're as adorable and pretty as you think you are. No one.
  • Vanilla: Even your so-called friends think you're a mind-numbing bore.

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