What Time Are the 93rd Academy Awards?

Illustration for article titled What Time Are the 93rd Academy Awards?
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Oh, you want to know what time the 93rd Academy Awards are? The fucking Oscars, as they say?? Hmm?? Hmmm???? Yeah. I bet you do. You’re just like the rest of them, always asking “What time are the Oscars?” and not “How are the Oscars?” and by “the Oscars” I mean me. I’m doing OK, not that you asked. It’s been a tough year. I had a breakup, I got laid off—but you know what? I’m still here! I’m still standing! I didn’t have time to watch any fucking movies except Promising Young Woman, and that was terrible. So, yeah! I don’t know which ones are gonna win! I don’t know which ones are gonna be snubbed! I don’t even know if I’m ever gonna get my second or third stimulus checks or if I’m gonna die alone!! But to answer your question, 8 p.m. EST.

Freelance journalist (GQ, W, Esquire, elsewhere), here on weekends


chocolate covered raisons d'être

Wow...well...ok then...8 pm EST you say? Cool cool.  Soooo....yeah. Oh hey..I need to go talk to that guy over there...good chat...nice to see ya....catch you later....