What Oscars? Here Are Your 2014 Razzie Award Winners

Some awards ceremony is going on in Los Angeles right now, with a bunch of people all dressed up fancy, handing each other shiny little gold men and thanking long lists of people you’ve never heard of ever. But I’m not sure why anyone is even bothering with all that, since the most important film awards have already been announced—The Razzies.

Ahh, The Razzies. This is indeed my favorite part of the year in film. What better way to honor an industry that made up of thousands of people and entertains millions around the world than by saying “JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS THIS HOT MESS OF CRAP YOU PEOPLE DUMPED ON THE PUBLIC?”

Movie 43 and After Earth scored major wins in several categories, as many pundits predicted. The biggest win of the night went to Tyler Perry, who walked away victorious for his role as Madea in A Madea Christmas. I had no idea there was a Madea Christmas movie and frankly, I’m a little sorry I missed it. Now I’m wondering if they make a Madea movie for every holiday? A Madea Halloween? A Madea President’s Day? A Madea Leif Erikson Day? (All of these are gold. Trust me, Hollywood.)

Here’s all your big winners, courtesy of Entertainment Weekly.

Worst Picture Movie 43

Worst Actor Jaden Smith – After Earth

Worst Actress Tyler Perry – A Madea Christmas

Worst Supporting Actor Will Smith – After Earth

Worst Supporting Actress Kim Kardashian – Tyler Perry’s Temptation

Worst Screen Combo Jaden Smith & Will Smith – After Earth

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel The Lone Ranger

Worst Director The 13 people who directed Movie 43

Worst Screenplay The 19 people who wrote Movie 43 )

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