What Does The Perfect Breast Look Like?

Illustration for article titled What Does The Perfect Breast Look Like?

Plastic surgeon Patrick Mallucci has come up with the formula for the "perfect breast shape," reports The Independent. His research is based on topless models who have not gone under the knife. (Uh, tough job.) Mallucci says that an "attractive breast" has a balanced proportion between the upper and lower halves, with the nipple sitting about 45% down from the top, pointing slightly upward. "It's about wanting to create something as close to perfection as possible," he says. To which we respectfully reply: Fuck you. Some of us think that the "perfect" breast is one that is free from cancer and able to nourish a child, should it come to that.

Call us crazy, but doesn't the idea of a man deciding what a perfect breast looks like — and then potentially performing hundreds of surgeries to give his patients a set of perfect breasts — sound very, very wrong? Like the plot of a horrifying science fiction film? What ever happened to the "you are a beautiful and unique flower" philosophy that we were taught as children? And what of people without "perfect" bodies? Does Mallucci have a formula for that as well? And won't patients need the perfect body and the perfect face to go along with those perfect breasts? The Independent reminds us that breast augmentation is the UK's most popular cosmetic surgery procedure. We imagine that women will be lining up, factory-style, to purchase "perfection." But considering all of the shapes and sizes and colors and proportions women come in, is there really such a thing?

Surgeon reveals the perfect breast shape [The Independent]

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It would be impossible to give everyone the perfect set! A surgeon can't know exactly how the breasts will settle or how nipple scars will heal. And on the topic of breast augmentation, Ivanka Trump's new tata's look rough, you'd think someone with that much dough could get a perfect pair put on. I hope she didn't go to whoever gave Melania that permanent bitch face.