What Does An Orgasm Really Sound Like, Anyway?

Illustration for article titled What Does An Orgasm Really Sound Like, Anyway?

Men's Health just put out a list of "50 Things Men Wish You Knew" and never have we snapped down so forcefully on our little mouse button and hungrily attacked a piece of internet text. Ladies! You heard it there first: men like women who are good in bed, know about sports, can convey thoughts without sounding like an idiot or a nag, and "err on the side of hot." But it was 19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm. and 23. You're really bad at faking it. that made us think of our own rule we'd like all men to know: if the sound of our orgasm is getting you off, we're probably really good at faking it.

So knocking our inability to fake isn't really gonna get us off! We asked our friends. In bed some of them curse, some of them try really hard to remember to say the name of their partners, others use that time to acknowledge the existence of a deity, and some of us scream out of habit from years spent faking it. But alone, most of us sound like, "Unnnnnnuhhhhnnnh." The sound of an actual orgasm is pretty whatevs.

50 Things Men Wish You Knew [Men's Health]

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Along with Cosmo, Glamour, Allure, Maxim, FHM, GQ, and I'm sure a bunch of others, MH is a bastion of regressive gender roles and total schills for the field of Evolutionary Psychology. Here are two gems from MH:

1. From the editor's letter in an issue I found on an airplane: "Competition stirs something primal in men."

2. From an MH "Guide to Sex" that someone (a man) gave me (I'm paraphrasing): Listen guys, we know you want to just go to sleep after sex, but women are genetically predisposed to cuddling. Dr. Blah Blah from the Institute of Blah Blah says that ladies' need for afterglow stems from their ancient desire to assure themselves that their mate will stick around and take care of her and the children blah blah blah...

I have friends in the magazine biz who are feminists and generallly pretty politically progressive but still ask me to write some kind of "man's point of view" silliness. I don't get it.