What Do You Bother Lying About Anymore?

Illustration for article titled What Do You Bother Lying About Anymore?

What do you lie about? This was a subject addressed today on The View, and it had me anxiously rubbing the neurons together because I am a really bad liar, which is okay, because my job allows me to be honest, for instance: instead of writing this post I have been refreshing the comments on other posts to see what you all have to say about the things I ask you to make jokes about, and occasionally IM-ing certain other Jezebel editors with the results of my findings (LOL!). Okay, so back to the question at hand: lying. Sure, we "all" tell the occasional tall tale about fleeing from sniper fire, but it is the age of Radical Transparency. People are getting GPS-enabled cell phones; before long you won't be able to politely lie to that once-best-now-distant friend about what you're doing tonight. Are you lying to anyone about what you're doing tonight? You're probably lying about what you're doing right now, but how long can that last?

Recession-mandated spy software will probably be after you before long, and most people aren't lucky enough to be spending 90% of their workdays playing computer solitaire on behalf of Alabama taxpayers, like this guy.


There are other lies we tell: but lying about your height is not really lying, because everyone does it, sort of the way retailers lie to you about what your waist measurement is, so it's not really lying to say "28" when you know that is a big fat lie; it's just sort of the same thing as nominal GDP and real GDP, adjusted for inflation. And to that end I recently discovered people are allowed to inflate their GPAs by approximately 0.2 points.

And to that end I am about to time-stamp this post "4:30" even though it is currently 4:58 p.m., and save it without even trying to pretend it has a point.

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@bigleggedwoman: Oh that is funny, really funny.

I tell people crap like that too, but I don't consider it a "lie".

Like when I tell people voodoo is taught in elementary school in New Orleans or that we have parade every day.

People need a story, I'm just giving them what they need.