What Do These Innocent Christmas Decorations Look Like to You?

Once upon a time in Oudenburg, a small Belgian town in, um, Belgium, mayor Anthony Dumarey decided to do a nice thing for the people of his little town and arranged for some holiday cheer. The results, as seen above, look like something —but I can’t quite figure it out.

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According to the New York Times, these columns, of which there are 80 scattered about the town, are meant to be candles. During the day, they reportedly look like columns covered in lights. Under the cover of darkness, however, when the switch is flipped, things look a little different. “When the lights are not on, I swear, you cannot see it,” he told the Times. Sir, respectfully, that’s what she said.

Anyway! The columns of holiday cheer look like tidy little penises, but also like schoolchildren waiting in the wings of the auditorium, waiting for their cue to trot out onto the stage and sing a song about snowflakes. In a way, there’s something very sweet about the little columns are standing so proud and tall—much like a real penis does when its tumescence is revealed. “Look at what we did,” the columns seem to say. “We’re standing. We’re tall.”

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This is apparently not the first time people have learned the hard way that Christmas lights and trees that aren’t conifers don’t always go together. In 2017, a town in Italy, Civitanova Marche, strung their palm trees with lights, wrapping the lights around the trunk and then out to the branches, as one does. When they turned on the lights, the true nature of the holiday season was exposed.

Here are some palm trees that are likely beautiful during the day, but at night, when their curves and swerves are highlighted, well, sorry babe, that’s not just a dick, it’s a dick spouting jizz. Let this serve as a nice reminder that even though you have it sort of bad, it could almost always be worse.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

Barada_nikto_byotch

Lol...those palm trees. They’d certainly get the Mrs Lovejoy treatment round these here parts.