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We've Found The Man You're Looking For

Illustration for article titled Weve Found The Man Youre Looking For

According to SpoiledHottie's ad on Craigslist D.C.'s "Adult Gigs" section, this "spiritual guy" knows many strip club owners and has a "goon squad." He's seeking a "secure, self motivated dreamer to be cool enough to hang with me." Ladies? [Craigslist]

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DISCUSSION

Translation:

I am spiritual. I'm just throwing that in there to make me sound compassionate, but I'm not. I say I'm looking for someone secure and self-motivated, but that's really because I like breaking those types of women down.

If you've had a string of bad luck that's great because I can get you into a situation where you're somewhat dependent on me and hopefully you won't expect me to treat you that well.

Your face is not important...to me, so why should it be to you? All you need is tits and ass. I won't be looking you in the eye when we fuck, anyway. So you can think you're as beautiful as you want, because I don't care.