We're in the Piss Portion of the Election Cycle

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Image: Joshua Roberts / Stringer (Getty Images)

Tuesday will mark the first presidential debate of the election cycle, pitting President Donald Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden against each other in what is quickly becoming a literal pissing contest.


On Sunday, Trump continued to peddle his unfounded theory that Biden is taking performance-enhancing drugs, tweeting, “I will be strongly demanding a Drug Test of Sleepy Joe Biden prior to, or after, the Debate on Tuesday night.”

He went on: “Naturally, I will agree to take one also. His Debate performances have been record setting UNEVEN, to put it mildly. Only drugs could have caused this discrepancy???”

The Biden camp offered the following response: “Vice President Biden intends to deliver his debate answers in words. If the president thinks his best case is made in urine he can have at it. We’d expect nothing less from Donald Trump, who pissed away the chance to protect the lives of 200K Americans when he didn’t make a plan to stop COVID-19.”

But this response is unlikely to stop Trump from pushing the drugged-up Biden narrative online, on the campaign trail, and during on-air interviews.

In August he told the Washington Examiner that, “We’re going to call for a drug test, by the way, because his best performance was against Bernie... we are going to call for a drug test because there’s no way — you can’t do that.” During an early September interview with Fox News’s Jeanine Pirro, Trump said that Biden’s increased cogency since the crowded Democratic debates a year prior is a red flag. “I think there’s probably, possibly drugs involved,” Trump said. “That’s what I hear.” Days later, during a rally in North Carolina, Trump said, “They give [Biden] a big fat shot in the ass, and he comes out, and for two hours, he’s better than ever before.”

Trump also insisted that Hillary Clinton take a drug test before the debates in 2016 (she did not), but while this tactic isn’t new for him, this level of desperation might be. The Trump campaign spent months characterizing Biden as a senile old coot who couldn’t string two sentences together. Now that Biden has deftly strung several sentences together—for well over an hour, multiple times, even on national television—the Team Trump is scrambling to discredit his bare minimum cogency... with piss. Good luck!


The Holy Hand Grenade

Biden should have a lab tech just off stage, and then when Trump starts on this bullshit just go “Great! Got Quest Diagnostics right here. It’s more accurate if we do blood tests, so how about you roll up your sleeve, Donnie?”.

Also, Biden should call him Donnie the whole time. He can be called President the day he acts like a president and/or at his funeral.