We woke up this morning with a revelation. If we don't do something soon, we're going to die poor and alone, or worse still, married to an accountant.
So we decided to bag a millionaire. How? Details after the jump.
Meet some Ukrainian air hostess we stole off google, who is much hotter than us:
Cute huh? More importantly, we feel she's just the type of hottie to get them drooling over at millionairematch.com. That's right. We've decided to cut the crap and bag us a big cheese.
First off, we needed a username. We picked Heavenlyhaven, as we felt it struck the all important balance between 'hot' and complete doormat. Heavenly = great tits. Haven = hmm, refuge, serenity, any port in a storm, any hole you like as long as you buy us a Porche. That sort of thing.
Next we uploaded our Ukrainian air hostess and shaved our age down to 30. We're not stupid. We noticed in passing that we had become an Aquarius with our new fake birthday. Heck, hope that doesn't cause cosmic problems down the line.
Then, it's profile time. We put a lot of time and consideration into this, attempting to strike the right balance between cultured prostitute and docile would-be wife:
"I'm slim, feminine and looking for a strong, caring supportive life-partner, who will accompany me on this wonderful voyage called life.
As well as being well-educated and professional, I love to cook, and spend my free time learning languages, travelling abroad and hunting for antiques.
I love fashion, always dressing in a stylish way, and shoes are my passion.
As for love, I'm looking for a decent, loving professional man who can share my interests in life, food, fine wine, laughter, and who would appreciate the devotion of a beautiful, honest and supportive woman."
So we gagged when we wrote it, so what? This is no place for the faint-hearted or anyone with scruples.
Finally, on to what we wanted from a man. Obviously this had to be as vague as possible, with ONE KEY STIPULATION:
"I'm looking for honesty, laughter, learning and love. Looks are not important when you find your soul-mate."
Bingo! Now we're just going to sit back and reel 'em in. More to come.