For months, we've been getting tips about this mysterious retro concoction known as "Jezebel sauce or, alternatively, simply "Hot Jezebel." So we bit the bullet - or, more accurately, the quarter pound of straight cream cheese - and tried it.

"Hot Jezebel," for those unfamiliar, is a mixture of apricot preserves, mustard and horseradish, which you chill and pour over a block of cream cheese. Um, that's it. Since I had a King Ranch Casserole in the oven and an ex coming over for dinner, the time seemed ripe.

So I did my marketing


And I served it with crackers.

It looked really unappetizing. But I made everyone eat it anyway.


It tasted exactly like duck sauce.

Or maybe really mild chutney, or ham glaze, on a big hunk of cream cheese. It didn't exactly move.


I had a lot left, so I put it in the blender.


Then I made some salami-cream-cheese rollups.

But no one wanted those either.