We Are Never Ever, Ever Getting Another Pandemic Stimulus Package

Illustration for article titled We Are Never Ever, Ever Getting Another Pandemic Stimulus Package
Image: Alex Wong (Getty Images)

Another day, another million or so people filing for unemployment, and another month of Congress doing the absolute bare minimum to help struggling Americans. HuffPost reports that lawmakers are at a “standoff over how much additional coronavirus aid” to give Americans who have been affected by the economic downturn caused by the pandemic. It’s a classic game of chicken. The Democrats want the Republicans to blink first while the Republicans want the Democrats to agree to a less robust package that doesn’t include rental assistance.


With an election right around the corner, the enthusiasm over coming to an agreement will likely wane as Congress focuses its attention on the most important part of the election season: creating sick burns to lob at the other side in attack ads. As fun and exciting as it will be to hear these dad jokes reiterated in ads or featured in socially distanced debates, how many Americans will actually be able to hear them if they can no longer afford the apartments that once housed their television sets? [HuffPost]

Self-styled Christian and actual spawn of the devil, Donald Trump, is having a hard time connecting with the religious members of his base, and it’s impossible to imagine why. According to Politico, despite his many, many attempts to placate evangelicals, Christian and Catholic voters are leaning towards Joe Biden, perhaps because he does not actually count Satan among his relatives. Survey results predicted “an 11 percentage point swing toward Biden among evangelicals and Catholics who backed Trump in 2016, based on input from both demographics across five major 2020 battleground states.” While that percentage won’t break the bank, it is a huge turnaround for religious conservatives who rarely vote against the party.

Biden, who has often led with faith specifically when talking about the loss of his son Beau, has been able to connect with religious voters despite his position on the only topic Christians and Catholics seem to care about: abortion. If elected, Biden claims he wants to codify Roe v. Wade, while Trump plans to defund Planned Parenthoodfor the faithful the choice should be clear. But Trump really fucked himself when he decided to hold a bible upside down for a photo op in front of a church. The power of Christ will (hopefully) not compel voters this time. [Politico]

  • A report from the Census Bureau shows that 12 million Americans who applied for unemployment benefits did not receive them. [Census Bureau]
  • Monica Lewinsky can’t decide between a Subaru or a Tesla. The only correct option is a Dodge Grand Caravan. [Twitter]
  • Ben Shapiro got owned by a calendar after insinuating that Democratic leaders hadn’t made comments about the coronavirus before February. [Twitter]
  • Trump, who has repeatedly discouraged athletes from getting involved in politics, is getting involved in college football and pushing for the Big Ten schools to have a season this fall. Most of these players are still on their parents’ health insurance plans but fuck em, right? [The Hill]
  • Nicholas Sandmann is clinging to relevance by getting into a fight with the ACLU. Get a life, bro. [New York Post]
  • The Social Security Administration did something nice and released the updated list of most popular names. Congrats to the Liams and the Olivias. [Social Security Administration]



It would be really nice if outlets did not try to “both sides” this one. Republicans deliberately tabled this bill in bad faith knowing Dems could never accept it. Mitch McConnell admitted this himself. Dems wanted 1.3 trillion, GOP countered with 300 billion. That is not a compromise, that is an insult. Also the bill includes poison pills such as absolving big companies from liability for exposing their workers to coronavirus. These actions indicate that the GOP was never serious about getting a deal done.