One lucky Charlie Sheen "fan" (I have no idea what Charlie Sheen does that warrants "fan"-ing, but far be it from me to limit anyone's self-identity) got the thrill of her life the other night when the man himself stumbled up to her car in the Taco Bell drive-thru.
"Sorry I'm so fuckin' hammered," Uncle Charlie intoned, thrusting his head and entire torso through the driver's side window. Then, tugging on the neck-hole of what I am choosing to label a "shirt"—though it resembles no human garment presently known to science—Sheen revealed his right nipple and a nearby tattoo of Charlie Brown. "You're hilarious," a beaming Sheen told his fans, even though they were just two people sitting silently in a car. And with that, he scampered off into the night.