It has come to our attention that the latest rumor coughed up by the celebrity industrial complex suggests that Natasha Lyonne is canoodling with Fred Armisen. This, right after she admitted to sending a text message that was "not G-rated" on the red carpet. Were they SEXTING at the EMMYS?
~whips out Serious Professor glasses, pulls down fresh blackboard, clears throat~
At the beginning of her red carpet interview with Ross Mathews, OITNB's Lyonne was distracted by her cell. When he tried to get the story on who she was texting, she grinned and demurred, "Oh, I wouldn't worry about it," before admitting, "This is not a G-rated text message I'm sending right now." E! has the clip available here; I'd like it entered into evidence as exhibit A, your honor.
Then, at 3:10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, People magazine issued a "new couple alert," suggesting that Lyonne could in fact be dating Portlandia's Fred Armisen. The details:
The Orange Is the New Black star, 35, mingled with her costars at the bash – including Taylor Schilling, Dascha Polanco and Laverne Cox – but Armisen, 47, was constantly by her side.
The sourcing on that claim seems pretty much impeccable, ergo, Lyonne may very well have been sexting Fred Armisen. QED.
Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that "not G-rated" could mean several things besides sexting. For instance: "can u fucking believe this traffic?" would not be safe for children. Nor would "it's hot as a pile of ballsacks out here" or "my spanx are so far up my crotch i'm pregnant with those polyester footies they give you at shoe stores." Alternatively, she could have simply been griping about the red-carpet rigamarole and hatching a plot to flip the mani cam the bird, but knew better than to admit it on-camera.
Photo via AP Images.