Want to Have Sex While Divorcing? You May Need a Court Order in MA

Divorce can be hell. A relationship is ending, there’s paperwork galore, and then you have to decide who gets what. And it gets exponentially harder if kids are involved. Well, someone’s finally thinking of the children! Massachusetts State Senator Richard J. Ross has introduced a new bill that, if passed, will require the party remaining in the home to petition a court for permission to wine, dine, and engage in sexual congress with others. To protect children. So much for less government, eh Senator Ross?

Here’s the provision that Ross’s bill would add to MA’s divorce law:

In divorce, separation, or 209A proceedings involving children and a marital home, the party remaining in the home shall not conduct a dating or sexual relationship within the home until a divorce is final and all financial and custody issues are resolved, unless the express permission is granted by the courts.

Ok. What do you think the paperwork for that would look like? And how would the judge decide? Would specific acts need to be specified and would the judge get to veto? “Yes, Mr. Smith, I see here that you’d like to invite your date over and engage in a little oral after a luxurious bubble bath. I’m going to need you to change that bath to a shower (conserve water!) and that oral into some above-the-bra heavy petting. Any frottage will be punishable by a $250 fine.” ::judge bangs gavel furiously to remind petitioners that, unlike them, he can bang what he wants whenever he wants. #SWAG::

The bill was introduced in 2013 and has just been granted an extension for consideration in the State House until June 30th. MA law currently mandates a 120 day waiting period for divorces to become finalized (after a judge approves the initial separation). Punishment for violation of this law has not been established yet, but I imagine it includes a pin, a scarlet A, and the requirement that violators change their Facebook name to Hester Prynne As Portrayed By Demi Moore.