Wake Up, Sheeple: Ariana Grande Is Still a Literal Baby

Illustration for article titled Wake Up, Sheeple: Ariana Grande Is Still a Literal Baby

Perhaps you’ve been suckered into thinking that Ariana Grande is “22 years old” despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Well, GUESS WHAT, PAWNS. You’re dangerously, dangerously wrong.


In December of 2014, Jezebel was the lone news source brave enough to reveal the awful truth: Ariana Grande, a pop star who likes to be carried from place to place in the arms of a staffer, is actually a baby. Jump-cut to 2016 and not much has changed. Grande is STILL a baby and we’re the only ones BRAVE enough to say it.

Of her recent appearance on Saturday Night Live, OK! Magazine reports:

A source who was there that night tells OK! that the pint-size pop star insisted on being carried from the stage to her various costume changes. “She would leap into the arms of this woman standing by, who then rushed her off to get her ready for her next skit,” says the insider. “There’s no denying the show is fast-paced, but everyone else was just running around as usual while Ariana was being carried. It was very strange!”

Strange for an adult, yes, but for a baby? Not so much.

Star reports the same story:

“As soon as the skit ended, she’d jump off stage and expected this lady to catch her every time,” dishes the witness. “That poor woman’s entire jib was to act as a human pack mule. Just because Ariana is petite doesn’t mean she’s a baby.”

Actually, that’s exactly what it means.

Hm. Two tabloid stories about Ariana Grande, a baby, being carried by a staffer (a nanny?) and not a blip in Midweek Madness? This goes deeper than we thought.



Do you like topless ladies? Here’s two of them.

Illustration for article titled Wake Up, Sheeple: Ariana Grande Is Still a Literal Baby

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  • Katt Williams has been arrested for sucker punching a teen. [NYDN]
  • Ben Affleck wrote his own Batman script and I bet it is great. [ONTD]
  • You’re not alone, Coco. [E! News]
  • Susan Sarandon and Debra Messing are fighting about politics on Twitter. [Vulture]
  • Trash king Chris Brown says Kehlani’s suicide attempt was a “sympathy” ploy. [Gossip Cop]
  • Backstreet’s back—doing community service for a bar fight. [TMZ]
  • Megan Fox’s child will attend a technology free school, will not be well prepared for the future. [ONTD]

Managing Editor, Jezebel


Meyer Lansky Sqarrs

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